


Self Defense

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 06:24:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Blair saves Jim from an arrest gone wrong, he has a hard time dealing with the afteraffects.  He finally discovers the reason behind his actions, but can he live with his newfound discovery?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self Defense

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg and Simon Banks all belong to Pet Fly Productions, Paramount and Viacom, all folks who are not me. The characters you don't recognize, I made up all by myself. I've just taken everyone out the toy box to play and I promise to put them back when I'm done, because I'm a good girl and I always put my toys away. 

WARNING: NC-17 Graphic sex between two consenting, adult men, and there's some language too, (but there's a story in here too,) so if you're under 18 or 21 in some states, DON'T READ THIS!!!! 

I'm not making money off this story, but you can send it to whomever, just make sure my name stays where it is. All comments to LittleEva1@aol.com Thank you to M. for all your help. 

## Self Defense

by Little Eva  


Jim and Blair walked into the loft, both men threw their keys in the basket by the door. Jim rubbed the back of his head that still hurt a bit. Well, he didn't get hit over the head by psycho killers every day. 

"Jim, are you alright?" Blair said. 

"I'm fine Blair, just need to take an asprin." 

As Jim slowly made his way to the sofa, Blair headed to the kitchen. "Man, asprin's nothing but poison...let me make you some tea...it's this special...." 

"Chief!" Damn, shouting made Jim's head hurt more. Blair came back into the living area. 

Jim shook his head. "No concoctions." Blair nodded, then slowly looked up, and his eyes met Jim's. Blair quickly looked away. "I....uh...I got some reading to do...I'll go in there," he tilted his head towards his room, "so I don't disturb you. You need help getting into bed?" 

"Uh uh," Jim said. He looked into Blair's eyes. Shit, when he'd first met the graduate student, the kid couldn't hide anything from him, now after a year, it was even worse, now Jim could even tell what Blair was feeling by looking at the way his shoulder's were hunched. 

Blair, feeling his partner's eyes on him, nervously, ran his hand through his hair. "I...uh...better get reading...." 

"Blair..." Jim sighed. 

"Yeah, Jim...you need anything?" 

"I need you to slow down Blair. Sit." 

Blair reluctantly sat in a chair across from Jim. Even seated, Blair was not still. He rubbed his hands together, and looked ready to bolt from that chair any second. 

"What's up Jim?" 

Jim slowly raised himself up into, so he was sitting upright. "Blair, we have to talk about what happened." 

Blair looked at the floor and clasped and unclasped his hands together. "It's okay, Jim...I don't need to talk about it." 

Jim leaned over and focused his hearing on his partner. He heard the accelerated heartbeat, the blood pumping through his veins, the shallow breathing. Jim looked into Blair's blue/green eyes as they darted to the left and the right, anywhere, but straight at Jim. 

"You don't want to talk about it, Blair, but you need to talk about it." 

"Look, Jim, it's no big deal...okay....it was...instinct...that's all it was..." 

"Instinct, Blair you killed a man. You picked up a gun and shot a man dead. Blair, you hate guns, you still do. We need to talk about it." 

Blair rubbed his eyes and nervously looked around the loft. Jim heard his heartbeat increase, heard Blair's breathing become shallow and was ready and up when Blair bolted from his seat and ran into the bathroom. Jim followed his partner and stood by him as he vomited into the toilet. After Blair was finished, Jim flushed the toilet, then took a washcloth and was about to wipe Blair's face, when he tore it from Jim's hands. 

"I can do it myself," Blair said. 

Jim put his hands up and gave his partner some privacy. He walked back into the living area and sat again sat down on the sofa. He closed his eyes and monitored his partner still in the bathroom, washing his face and hands. Jim sighed as he remembered the events of three days ago... 

They were chasing Billy Lee Wright, a confessed rapist and murderer, who broke out of prison six months earlier, came to Cascade and committed no less than three rape/murders. Jim and Blair cornered the man in an abandoned furniture warehouse and went after him, telling Blair to call for backup. Blair called Simon, but, followed Jim anyway, Billy wasn't a big man, but he was a bad man and Jim needed someone to watch his back. 

Jim cornered Billy Lee in a small, dark, windowless room. Jim drew his gun. Billy shook his head, a sign he was not going to come quietly. The two men began fighting. Jim was stronger, but Billy was more desperate. The killer managed to slam Jim against the wall, knocking the gun out of his hand, causing it to slide towards the doorway. Billy hit Jim over the head with something, knocking him unconscious. The next thing Jim heard was the a single gunshot, at first, Jim thought Billy finished him off, until he saw the killer lying next to him, a hole in his neck. 

Jim raised his head and saw, Blair, standing over the dead man, skin pale, hands shaking. He looked again and realized Blair was holding his gun. 

"Chief," Jim said before losing consciousness again. 

When Jim regained consciousness, he was in the hospital. He didn't have a concussion, but the doctor wanted to keep him over night anyway. Simon was there, but Blair wasn't... 

"Simon," Jim said, trying to sit up. 

Simon pushed Jim back down. "He's dead. Billy Lee Wright's dead." 

"Blair...Blair shot him..." Jim murmured. 

Simon just nodded. "Yeah, Jim...Blair shot him." 

Simon's words now echoed in Jim's ears. Blair Sandburg, anthropology graduate student, the sweet, decent young man who had become Jim's guide, friend, partner, had shot a man to death. Blair who hated guns, had picked up a gun, pointed it at someone and pulled the trigger. Jim put his hands over his eyes. 'God...what have I done...' 

"Jim, you okay?" 

Jim opened his eyes. He'd been so fixed on the memory, he'd stopped monitoring his partner's movements. Blair stood in front of him, he'd changed into a clean tee shirt. 

"Is it your head?" Blair said, eyes wide with concern. 

"Chief, *I'm* fine. I'm not the one who was just puking my guts out. Why don't you sit down for a second, you've been going a mile a minute for the past three days." 

Blair's face turned crimson, and Jim felt the sudden heat radiate off his partner's body. "Look, I just ate something that didn't agree with me, that's all. Hey man, you know I don't get sick, you should've seen some of the stuff I've eaten in the jungle...I remember this one time in Kenya..." 

Jim reached out and grabbed Blair's arm. "Chief, sit, chill out." 

Blair looked puzzled, then he shook his head, and put up his hands defensively. "Look man, I know exactly what you're getting at. Hey, I talked it all out with Simon and he said it was clearly self-defense, pure and simple." 

"Pure and simple," Jim repeated. 

"Yeah, I mean, it's the law of the jungle. You've killed before, Jim." 

"I'm a cop Blair, those things go with the territory, but there's always a first time." Jim looked up into those blue eyes. Sometimes they looked like the eyes of a child, other times they looked like the eyes of a very old man. Now, the latter was true. Jim felt his own stomach turn. He got up off the sofa. "I'm going to turn in early Chief..." And he headed up the stairs so he didn't have to look in those eyes again. 

Blair sighed with near relief. "Sure, sure Jim...I'll go in my room and read...don't want to disturb you." 

Jim simply waved his hand and nodded. Blair sighed again as he watched him go up the stairs and stood in the same spot, quiet, afraid of moving a muscle, knowing Jim could hear any change in his breathing, moving. When he was certain Jim was asleep, he turned off the lights in the living area and the kitchen and went into his room. 

The room was dark, smokey, hot. Blair rushed in, hearing the sounds of the struggle. He saw a man with long, blonde hair, Billy Lee Wright, standing, pointing a gun at his unconscious partner. Suddenly, time and space changed, and it all seemed to be in slow motion. Blair picked up Jim's gun, pointed it at Wright, tightened his facial muscles, squeezed the trigger. The bullet slowly jolted from the gun, and sailed through the air, slamming into Wright's neck. Blair saw the bullet tear into the flesh, the nerves, the tendons, Wright's mouth dropped open as if in surprise. Slowly, he turned around and looked at Blair, grasping his neck with the gaping hole in it, and fell to the floor. Suddenly Wright's neck wound exploded, blood shot out from the wound, drenching Blair. He jumped backward and screamed, trying to stop it from hitting him, but no matter where he ran, the blood found him, going into his mouth, up his nose, in his eyes, until he found himself drowning in it. 

Blair gasped loudly and sat up like a jack-in-the-box. He looked around him...it looked like his room, his bed. He looked at his hands, no blood. Looked down at the tank top he wore, no blood there. He was panting, grateful that he was able to breath. Blair hugged his knees to his chest and closed his eyes. He wondered if he'd been screaming, and he listened for footsteps coming down the stairs. When he didn't hear anything, he breathed a sigh of relief and ran a trembling hand through his damn hair. He didn't have to be a psych major to know what that dream meant. He, Blair Sandburg had taken a life, taken a gun, murdered someone...To hell with what Simon said about it being self-defense...he'd killed someone...he was a murderer! 

Blair tried to steady his trembling hands, but it was no use. It didn't change anything. He'd walked into that room, picked up the gun and fired, without any warning, or any hesitation. How did he know that it was Wright standing and not Jim? Okay, so Jim doesn't have long blonde hair...but...maybe he should have said something like "freeze!" Blair had heard Jim say that many, many times, always give them a chance to surrender. Why hadn't he done that? 'Oh, man, what if I get real pissed at someone and there's a gun around....what if I get pissed a Jim and I see his gun...would I shoot him without thinking....' 

Blair fell back on the pillows and pulled the covers up closer to his body, he suddenly felt very cold. 

Upstairs, Jim was awakened by the uneven breathing and irregular heartbeat of his guide. He tuned in his senses to the small room downstairs as he heard the young man gasp and sit up suddenly. Jim could smell the sweat covering the young man's body, hear him shaking. He wanted to go downstairs and...and what? What the hell was he going to say? "Sorry Blair?" or "I'm sorry that you had to kill someone to save my ass?" 

"Damn," Jim whispered to the darkness. He should have seen that left of Wright's coming, he should have been quicker about handcuffing him, and he certainly never should have let the man knock him unconscious. Damn, he was a cop, and before that a soldier and more than that, a Sentinel, shit, he should have *sensed* what was coming...why didn't he? 

Instead he'd allowed himself to be helpless and now Blair Sandburg was paying the price. Blair who had taught him so much about everything, not just his senses, but about friendship, who took all the shit that he sometimes dished out. Now Blair was going to have to live with the memory of killing a man, something he wasn't trained for...shit, the man wasn't a cop...he was...a beautiful...caring human being...who Jim could not imagine being without. 

Jim fell back on his pillows. "Blair...Blair...what have I done to you..."   
  


* * *

  


For three days and nights, Jim and Blair hardly spoke to each other, except for the normal civilities. Neither man was able to sleep an entire night. Blair would have a nightmare, which woke Jim; and Jim felt guilty every time he heard his partner's raging heartbeat, and short breath. He wanted to run down the stairs, into Blair's room and....Shit and what? Comfort him? Would Blair take comfort from him? It was his fault Blair had to kill someone in the first place. 'If I had been there,' Jim said to himself at least a hundred times a day. Jim could not bear to come into his partner's room, look in those blue eyes, eyes that would accuse him. 'Why weren't you there for me, Jim? Why did you make me a killer?' It was partly because of guilt, and partly because of lack of sleep that created the distance between the partners. 

Simon, at Jim's request, told Blair that he could have a few days off, Jim didn't feel Blair was ready yet for police work, for what could happen, but also, because Jim just didn't want to look at Blair now. It was hard enough seeing him at home, at least at work, Jim wouldn't feel so guilty. Blair was spending most of his time at the university, tucked away in his office, reading, and trying not to close his eyes, where he saw himself shoot Wright, over and over again. He knew he could not go on like that, after all, he *did* minor in psychology, he also knew there was no way he could break down and see some police shrink, no damn way. 

Blair decided to leave his office for a few minutes, and go get some air. He walked outside and shivered against the cold, but it did feel good to be out. Then, suddenly, he felt a presence beside him and nearly jumped. 

"Hey Blair...man are you okay?" 

Blair turned and looked up into the face of Ken Topping. Ken was doing his Ph.D. dissertation in psychology. Ken looked very much like that, a Ken doll, he was tall, with short blonde hair and bright blue eyes; a surfer who once had a crush on Blair. When Blair told the man he wasn't interested, Ken did not take it hard, he and Blair remained friends, and now Ken was in a stable relationship with a post doc in biology named Tim. 

"I'm fine...just startled me, that's all man." 

Ken looked down at Blair, then shook his head. "You look like you've seen a ghost, in fact, you've been looking that way for a while." 

Blair looked away, the last thing he wanted to do was meet Ken's eyes. "Blair, I saw you yesterday, I called you but man...you were on another planet, big time." 

"I've got a lot on my mind, that's all." 

Ken looked down at Blair's hands and saw that they were shaking. "Blair, you're shaking." 

"It's just cold...it's nothing." 

"Bullshit. Well, it is cold out here. Why don't we go inside, get something to eat, okay?" 

Blair knew Ken well enough not to refuse him when he thought he was on to something. The man would pursue you until the end of time and beyond. "Sure," he said. 

The two men found a coffee shop off campus and sat in a corner, Blair shook his head, as the shop was frequented by gay couples. 

"We can go to another place, if you're uncomfortable," Ken said. 

Blair shook his head. "No man, it's okay." 

"I won't make a pass at you, if that's what you're worried about. Only if you want me to." 

"I don't think so, but thanks anyway." 

Ken sighed. "Okay, Blair. What's up?" 

"Nothing. I told you it was nothing. I'm fine." 

"Then why were your hands shaking, and don't give me your usual BS. I can read it a mile away. Something about your other life? The police work?" 

Blair told Ken that he was studying the social structures of closed societies, and police departments were a prime example. Ken knew about Jim, not his Sentinel abilities, but that Blair worked with him. 

"That hot cop you work with?" 

Blair shot Ken a glance that would have certainly killed him if looks could do those things. He ran his hand through his hair and contemplated walking out right now. But then he looked back and Ken and realized that keeping the secret would only make things worse. He put his elbows on the table and ran his hands through his hair. A tall, black waiter came over, and Ken ordered one cappucinno, and one latte. When the waiter left, Blair looked into Ken's eyes. 

"I killed a man, Ken." 

Ken's eyes widened. "What did you say?" 

Blair explained the situation with Billy Lee Wright and Jim, then he explained what happened when he came into the room. 

"I just picked it up and fired...like it was nothing...I...I can't believe I did something like that..." 

"Well it was either your detective or a psychopath...you didn't have much choice, Blair. What does the detective say?" 

"He says it was self defense, that's what they all say. That's what they all goddamn say," Blair said the last part through clenched teeth. 

"But you don't feel that way." 

"I know I had no choice but...I don't understand how I could have just killed a man like it was nothing...I don't even like guns...and I never fired one except with I was poisoned with that Golden shit...I mean guns are *so* not me, man." 

"Look, you're an anthropologist. I mean, what does a mother of any species do when her young is being threatened?" 

"I'm not Jim's mother, Ken." 

"Then maybe there's another reason you did what you did." 

Blair looked up at Ken, just as their waiter brought their beverages. Ken winked at Blair and sipped his latte. 

"What do you mean?" Suddenly, cappucinno didn't seem like such a good idea. 

"I mean, if someone tried to hurt Tim, I'd kill them, at least I'd try to." 

Blair nervously ran his hand through his hair. "Ken, Tim's your lover...Jim and I aren't lovers...no way man...Jim's not like that...not straight Jim..." 

"You say that like you resent it." 

"That's not what I said Blair. You know, every time you mention Jim's name, it's like a light goes off in your eyes. You perk up, you smile more." Ken leaned over and looked into Blair's blue eyes, which were trying to look at any thing but Ken now. "Blair, you don't have to be honest with me, but be honest with yourself. Are you in love with Jim?" 

Just as Ken asked that question, Blair had decided to take a sip of his capuchinno; he quickly started coughing, so much so that Ken hit Blair's back, to make sure his friend didn't get strangled. 

"What...what...did you...say..." Blair said between coughs. 

"You heard me." 

Blair finally stopped coughing and looked up at Ken. He ran his hand through his hair again and looked down at his cappucinno. There wasn't a single moment that Blair didn't think of Jim, what he was doing, how he was feeling, how he was dealing with his senses. They worked together, lived together, ate together. Sometimes, at night, Blair dreamed about what it might be like to kiss Jim's mouth, to run his hands along the smooth, planes of his chest, to feel the rippled muscles of his arms, abdomen, back. He wondered what it would be like to make love to Jim, and to fall asleep in his arms, safe, protected, loved. 

"You're in love with him. That's nothing to be ashamed about, Blair. We don't always get to choose the package love comes in." 

"Oh...man...I...I..." Yes. It all made sense. Blair closed his eyes and saw himself, running into the darkened room. Jim was down, Wright was pointing a gun at him. He was going to kill Jim, his friend...his partner...his Sentinel...the man he loved more than anything. "NO!" His mind screamed. 

Ken gently touched Blair's arm, and Blair jumped. "Hey, where were you?" 

Blair looked down at his coffee. Feelings and emotions were assaulting him all at once. He loved Jim. He loved Jim and that's why he killed Wright so easily. Blair felt his feelings seeping through his blood vessels, he thought sure he'd explode. Blair stood up so quickly, he knocked his chair over. 

"Oh...man...I'm sorry," he said, picking it up. "Look Ken...I got to go....okay...thanks for coffee man." 

"Are you alright, Blair?" 

"Yeah, yeah, man, I'm fine. Look, thanks for everything, man...really...I just got to go..." 

Ken looked confused for a moment, then nodded. "Okay, Blair...if you need to talk, you've got my number." 

"Yeah...sure man..." With that, Blair rushed out the coffee shop, into the cold air. Outside, Blair shuddered, wrapped his arms around himself and took a few deep breaths. He loved Jim...he loved Jim... He said it over and over again to himself, until it was a mantra. As he walked down the street, Blair was certain everyone could see the silly grin on his face, but he didn't care, he was happy. There was no need to hide out in his office anymore. 

But suddenly, Blair stopped walking and looked up at the sky. He loved Jim but...God, what on Earth was he going to do about it?   
  


* * *

  


That night, Blair had that same nightmare, he'd shot Billy Lee Wright, saw the bullet enter his neck, saw the blood pouring out of him, filling up the room; Blair felt his lungs filling up with the man's blood, felt himself slowly drowning. But this time he looked at Jim, and saw the blood filling his lungs as well...Oh God...he'd tried to save Jim, and now *he'd* ended up killing him... he tried to scream... 

Blair sat up suddenly, heart racing, face and body covered in sweat. Had he really screamed? He listened for Jim's footsteps, but heard no one come downstairs. Blair sighed with relief, thank God he hadn't woken up his partner. He was feeling guilty enough about his feelings for Jim as it was. 

Suddenly, his door burst open, Blair jumped and looked up. Jim stood there, gun in hand, eyes searching the room. 

"Chief, you okay?" 

Blair couldn't take his eyes off his partner. He was wearing a pair of dark blue boxers..they matched his eyes, he thought. Blair felt his body responding to his partner's attire and quickly looked down. 

"I'm fine Jim." 

Jim sighed and shook his head. He put the gun down on a table across from the bed. "You were screaming your head off, like someone was in here..." 

Blair was glad the room was dark, and Jim couldn't see the flush of shame. "I'm sorry Jim...I...it was a bad dream..." 

Jim came closer to the bed. Blair froze and placed his hands in his lap, not wanting the older man to see his bulging erection. God, if Jim saw that, he'd deck him and send him packing for sure. 

"You sure you're okay?" 

Oh, God, Blair thought, inching away. If he got any closer, he'd be able to smell him, smell the arousal...shit, he was probably smelling that now. Shitshitshit... 

"Jim, I'm fine. It was just a silly nightmare. Look, I better get back to bed, don't want to disappoint Simon tomorrow." 

Jim nodded. "Are you sure you're up to it, partner?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I talked about it with a friend of mine, Ph.D. student in psych...I'm fine...just self defense...he said the nightmares would hang around for awhile...but they'll stop." 

Jim stood, staring at Blair for a moment, then nodded. "Okay." He got his gun and headed for the door. Blair breathed a sigh of relief. Jim turned around. "If you need anything...you call out..." 

"I'm fine Jim...I'm really fine...really." 

Jim nodded and left the room. Blair closed his eyes and fell back on the bed as he willed his erection to go down. 

As Jim walked up the steps he shook his head, that he was unable to do the thing he wanted, which was to take Blair into his arms and hold him and flood his face with kisses. Then, he'd take him upstairs to his bed and they'd passionately, tenderly, make love...then fall asleep in each other's arms. 

Damn. Nothing more than a silly, harmless fantasy. Jim got back into his own bed, put his gun under the pillow, then lay down, eyes, staring at the ceiling, listening to the sounds in the room downstairs. He listened for Blair's breathing to become regular, easy, then he smiled sadly. Months ago, Jim had come to terms with his feelings for his Guide. He'd never felt for another man what he felt for Blair, but Blair was more than just a man. He was his partner, his Guide, the man he depended on, the man he could not imagine living without. He'd kill for Blair if he had to, and now he knew Blair would do the same. 

Poor Blair. Jim had so much wanted to take him in his arms, right there, but when Blair moved away from him...God that hurt...It hurt, but that was just the way it was. Jim certainly wasn't going to force himself on Blair, make the poor man feel obligated in some way. No, Blair didn't feel the same way about him, and that was that. Jim shut his eyes. "Won't be my first unrequited love," he said to himself. 

Simon patted Blair on the shoulder when he saw him. "Good to see you back, Sandburg." 

"Good to be back Captain," Blair responded, looking quickly at Jim. 

"Got a case for you guys...big one down at Cascade Central Bank, a robbery gone bad, now it's a hostage situation." 

Jim looked at Blair as if to ask if the younger man was up to it, Blair looked at him and nodded. 

"Let's go partner," Jim said, holding the door for Blair as Simon watched them. When the door closed, Simon took out a cigar and smiled. "There goes the caped crusader and the boy wonder." 

It seemed that the entire police force of Cascade were in front of Cascade Central. Jim and Blair were briefed on the situation. Two men, Calvin Potter, and Mark Wilson handed a note to a teller that the bank was being held up. The teller pressed the alarm and must have flashed a terrified look to the bank guard. The guard confronted the men, Wilson drew his gun, but the guard was quicker and he shot the robber dead. Potter shot the guard in the leg, produced an uzi from a black bag and announced that no one was leaving the bank until he got a plane and three million in cash. 

"How many people in the bank?" Jim asked one of the uniformed officers. 

"Fifteen that we know of. This guy's a real loose cannon. Sounds like he's on something." 

"Well, I'll have to see about that," Jim said. Blair stared at his partner. What the hell was he talking about? 

Jim got on the bull horn and began talking with Calvin Potter, who did sound like he was on more than one controlled substance. Potter wanted a 747 to take him to Maui, he also wanted Wilson cremated and he wanted to take his ashes with him. 

"Wilson always wanted to see Maui, man!" Potter said. 

"Well, if you want to have your partner cremated, someone has to come get the body...cremations take time!" Jim said, using his hearing to listen to Potter's heartbeat, it was erratic desperate. He'd think nothing of shooting everyone in that bank. 

"No man....I know that drill...you'll get a fucking SWAT team in here and blow my ass to kingdom come...no way!" 

"Well someone's going to have to get Wilson's body. I bet I could carry him..." 

Blair looked at Jim like he was insane. For a few seconds Potter didn't speak. Jim was about to get on the bullhorn again, when Potter shouted: 

"Okay man...you...you come in here alone....with no gun...no bullshit like that...and...and you can take Mark's body..he shouldn't be in here...should be in Maui..." 

"I'm going in," Jim said, taking off his gun. Blair grabbed his arm. 

"Jim, are you nuts? That guys' a pscyho. I mean, he wants to take his friend's ashes to Maui...doesn't that sound strange to you?" 

"Hey, we all got our quirks Chief. You stay here. Got that?" 

Blair nervously ran his hand through his hair. Shit...shit...shit... He watched as Jim entered the bank. 

"To hell with this," Blair whispered, and moved away from his safe spot. He ran around the side of the bank, where there were more cops. Blair flashed his police ID. 

"My partner's in there," he said, spotting a uniformed officer he knew. 

The officer nodded. "That's Ellison's partner, he's always with him." The officer and SWAT team nodded, and kept their eyes on the bank. Blair slowly moved away from them, and crouched down, near some bushes. When Blair looked, he saw that the bushes were covering what looked like a cellar door. Then he remembered that the bank used to be a hardware store, with a basement. 'Probably where they keep the safety deposit boxes,' he thought. Slowly, Blair crawled to the door and tried it, it wouldn't budge. He applied more pressure and the door swung open. Blair carefully lowered himself down, glad the drop was only about two feet. "Alright," Blair smiled. as he made his way down to the floor. 

As soon as Jim entered the bank, he assessed the situation. There were fifteen people, lying face down on the floor. He heard their racing hearts, erratic breathing, the guard was lying on his side, a scarf was wrapped around his leg; if he didn't get medical attention soon, he'd bleed to death. He wished he could tell them everything was going to be fine, but he wasn't sure himself. 

Calvin Potter pointed the uzi at Jim's chest. His heart was the most erratic of all, he heard his blood racing through his veins, smelled the nervous sweat on his body. He looked to be in his early thirties, stood about five foot nine, had piercing blue eyes, with rapidly dilating pupils, and a shaved head. 

"Where's Mark?" Jim asked. 

Calvin gestured to the side opposite from where the hostages lay. Mark Wilson was a dark skinned black man who's eyes stared pointlessly at the ceiling, he looked to be the same age as Potter and he also had a shaved head. 

"He's dead...right?" Calvin said. 

Jim felt for a pulse, there was none. Suddenly, though he was aware of another heartbeat and a very familiar scent. Christ...Blair... 

"Is he dead?" Calvin's voice jolted Jim from his thoughts. He stood up and nodded. 

"Yeah, he's dead." 

"Oh...fuck...fuck..." He turned to the guard and pointed the uzi at him, causing the man to stiffen. "I should waste you, motherfucker!!!!" 

"Hey man...don't do that," Jim said. 

"Why not? He killed Mark...he killed him..." Jim saw and heard the tears coming from behind Calvin's eyes. He looked at the dead man, and then looked back at Calvin. Both men were in jeans, both wore black long sleeved sweaters. 

"You must have really cared about him, huh?" Jim said. 

Calvin sniffed and relaxed his gun hand, pointing the weapon at the floor. "He was my best friend...we grew up together..." 

"Yeah, I know how it is to loose a partner..." Jim said sadly. 

Calvin shook his head. "See, all he wanted was to get to Maui...just to get some sun...you know...and anything Mark says...it's good for me..." 

Blair watched from his vantage point near the side door, hidden by a desk, but he still could see his partner talking to the madman with the gun. 'Come on Jim...just get the body and get the hell out of there...' he thought, glad that his Sentinel couldn't read his mind. 

"Yeah...I know how it feels to care about someone like that...you'd do anything for them...right..." 

'Jim, what the hell are you doing, using psych on him? He'll see right through your BS.' 

"You know, Calvin, we could end this right now. You give me the gun...we walk out of here." 

Calvin's eyes went wide. He stared at Jim, then pointed the uzi at his head. "Why the fuck should I do that, man? There's about a million cops out there and they'll all kill me." 

"Why? You haven't killed anyone. You shot in self defense, right? You had no choice..." 

'Who are you talking to Jim, that scumbag or me?' Blair scratched his head. 

"If you wanted to kill the guard, you would have. You didn't. You're not a killer, you were just protecting your friend...that's all. Calvin, give me the gun." 

Calvin's eyes filled with tears again and he shook his head. "You don't get it man...I loved him...and now he's gone..." 

"Would Mark want you to kill all these people? Would he want you to run? Look Calvin, I can arrange for Mark to be cremated and his ashes scattered over Maui or wherever. Just give me the gun and it'll all come true, this'll be over..." 

Calvin looked at Jim, Jim looked at Calvin and held out his hand. "Just give it to me..." 

Calvin looked into Jim's blue eyes and seemed to be in some kind of hypnotic trance, as if he couldn't move. "It's not easy....to be in love with another man...you know...but in Maui, they don't care about that shit." 

Blair closed his eyes, and Jim could hear his partner's heartbeat speed up. "Give me the gun, Calvin." 

Calvin started to sob. He held the gun out for Jim to take, as Jim's hand touched the weapon, Calvin suddenly dropped it, causing it to fire; the hostages all gasped, and Jim's eardrums felt like they'd burst; then Jim heard one distinct scream coming from the side. Jim looked over and saw that the only damage was to a wall, and quickly picked up the gun. Calvin put his hands over his eyes. 

"Oh shit... I killed everybody..." 

"No man, it's okay." Jim walked over to a window and signalled that everything was fine. He was glad the SWAT team didn't come storming in when they heard the shots. 

Outside, the hostages were seen to, the guard was taken to the hospital, Calvin was taken away in handcuffs, and Mark's body was taken to a funeral home for cremation, courtesy of Major Crimes. Simon was also there, and patted Jim on the back. 

"It got hot in there for a moment, Simon," Jim said. 

"Yeah. Where's Sandburg?" 

"Isn't he out here?" 

"No." 

Jim shook his head, if he wasn't so certain the stray bullets all hit the wall, he'd be worried, but he was only angry. "I know where he is," he said through clenched teeth. 

"Jim...what happened..." 

"I'm just going to kill my partner, that's what's going to happen." 

"Then give me your gun." 

"That won't be necessary, Sir, I'm going to kick the shit out of him. If you hear screaming...just pretend you didn't hear it." 

Jim found Blair sitting cross legged behind the desk, where he'd hidden earlier. The younger man's arms were across his chest and he rocked back and forth. 

"Blair, what the hell were you thinking? No, I don't want to know, you weren't thinking, that was the problem! You could've gotten yourself killed, not to mention me...when I heard you scream...." 

Blair didn't speak for a moment, then he shook his head. "I couldn't let you go in by yourself...he was going to kill you Jim...he was going to kill you and you didn't have a gun...and when that gun went off...I didn't have a gun either...and I couldn't protect you...and...shitshitshit...." Blair wasn't looking at Jim, but at a spot on the floor. 

Jim crouched down next to his partner. "Blair...is that why you came in here? I told you everything was under control..." 

"And that's what you said with Wright...you told me not to follow you in there! If I didn't follow you...I didn't want to loose you...Jim...." 

"Blair..." Jim touched the younger man's shoulder and slowly pulled him close to him. "It's alright Blair...I'm safe...I'm here..." 

"Jim...you need me...you need me...Jim...I'm not a cop but...if something happened to you..." 

Jim gripped both his partner's shoulders. "Blair, look at me." 

Blair slowly looked into Jim's eyes and nearly burst into tears, seeing the concern there. "I just didn't want to lose you Jim...I don't want to lose you....I...love you...Jim..." There, he said it. Blair quickly looked down again. 

Jim blinked, stunned at what Blair just said. He slowly pulled his partner close to him. "Blair...it's okay...um...we'd better get out of here...got to go to the station...fill out paperwork...you know...your job..." Jim's heart was racing. Did he hear what he thought he heard? Maybe it was his mind playing a trick on him, wishful thinking, something like that. No...it wasn't...it was the real thing...Blair said it...that he...loved him... 'Damn,' Jim thought, 'what do I do now?' 

Both men slowly stood up. Blair moved away from his partner. He'd said the words he needed to say for months, but he couldn't bear to look into his partner's eyes and see the anger and disgust that were certainly there. Shit Sandburg, you sure know how to screw up a good thing. Better have your bags packed in the morning, or maybe tonight, that is if Jim doesn't kill you first.   
  


* * *

  


Jim and Blair rode in silence all the way back to the loft. Simon had told both of them to take the rest of the day off, the paperwork could wait. Jim was too excited to speak, thinking about what Blair said to him outside the bank. 'Blair loves me, Blair loves me," and he said it in his head, over and over again. God, what was he going to do when they got back to the loft? He didn't want to overwhelm the kid, he still looked pretty broken up about what happened in the bank. Maybe a shower would be nice. 

Blair was silent too, but for a different reason. He could not believe he'd blurted out his secret to Jim. My God, Blair didn't know why the man didn't deck him right there. Maybe he was waiting until they got back to the loft. Blair tried to sort things out in his head. He'd run to his room and pack his things quickly, before Jim got too mad. Maybe Jim wouldn't throw him out tonight. He ran his hand through his hair again and again and kept his eyes focused on the passing scenery. Blair tried to breath deeply, tried to remember the exercises he'd taught his Sentinel. Gosh...his dissertation...if Jim kicked him out...No, Blair couldn't think about that now. One thing at a time, Sandburg, he told himself. Just one thing at a time. 

When they arrived at the loft, Blair rushed passed Jim and stood in front of him, hands defensively up. "I'll just get my things together and I'll be out tomorrow...if that's okay with you." 

Jim frowned and stared at Blair like he was speaking another language. His partner's heartbeat was racing, he was sweating, his breathing was almost coming in gasps. 

"If you want me to leave now...I will...okay...just don't freak out...okay man..." 

"Blair..." 

"Hey man, you don't have to feel sorry for me. I got lots of friends I can crash with...no problem...I'll be out of your hair in a second." 

Jim walked towards the younger man. "Chief, what are you talking about?" What in the world was wrong with Sandburg? Jim had heard right, the kid did say he loved him, didn't he? Then why the hell was he acting like Jim had sent him packing. 

Blair retreated into the kitchen. "Look Jim, it's okay. I shouldn'tve said it...it was stupid...I mean...you're not that way...it's okay man, it's really okay.." 

Understanding dawned on Jim and he sighed. "Sandburg..." 

Blair put up his hands again. "It's really okay Jim...I'm fine...I'm fine..." 

What the hell would it take to shut him up? Jim wondered, then he smiled. He advanced on his partner, before Blair had a chance to react. He pushed him against he counter, Blair's blue eyes stared in terror at the larger man, but then Jim's face softened and he smiled. He took Blair into his arms and kissed him warmly, easily on the lips, then, Jim's mouth slowly opened, inviting Blair inside. Blair opened his mouth, letting his tongue find Jim's as their tongues danced, caressed each other. Jim drew back a bit and captured Blair's lower lip, first kissing it, then sucking on it. God, his lips were so full, thick. The thought of those lips around his cock, make Jim even more aroused and he moved his pelvis so it was against Blair's stomach. Blair felt the hardness against him and groaned. Jim moved his mouth from Blair, who whimpered in protest, and found his Guide's neck. He kissed, sucked, licked the younger man's neck. Jim finally gave him a nip, causing Blair to give off a sound that was half groan, half giggle. 

Jim's hands slowly moved down Blair's body, resting on his tight, firm ass. Jim kneaded his buttock muscles, causing Blair to groan and thrust his pelvis against Jim's body. Jim smiled, feeling the solid erection. Blair's hands moved underneath Jim's shirt, touching almost reverently, the muscled chest and arms...Oh God...Blair blinked, once, twice, then realized that this was no dream. He was really there, with his Sentinel, the man he loved more than anything. 

"Oh...Jim..." Blair gasped. 

"Yeah...baby..." Jim whispered. The sound of his voice, caused shivers to go down Blair's spine. 

"I can't believe it...I...I never...thought..." 

Jim pushed himself back and locked eyes with Blair. "You thought I was straight as an arrow Jim Ellison, right?" 

All Blair could do was nod. 

Jim sighed. "Blair...I love you...I don't know why or what that means...I haven't felt this way about another man...about anyone in a long time...And when you said you loved me out there...I wanted to cry..." 

Blair looked at the floor. "And I thought you'd kick me out." 

"No chance of that partner. You know something?" 

"What?" 

"We're wasting precious time, here. Anybody ever tell you, you talk too much?" 

"Well...not really Jim...I mean..." But Blair was again silenced with a kiss. Jim's hands were firmly on his ass now, pushing him against the kitchen wall now. Their mouths, tongues, hands, fingers, explored as much of the other as they could, clothed. Then, at the same time, both of them realized they'd do much better without clothes. So, in between kisses, Blair and Jim undressed each other, and themselves, all the time, trying to move out of the kitchen, and up the stairs to Jim's room, leaving a trail of clothes along the way. When they were both naked, they were only in the living area. Jim's knees were so weak, he didn't think he could make it upstairs. 

Jim ran his finger, slowly along Blair's chest, playing with the curly hairs there. He bent down, and sucked one nipple, then the other. Blair's hands moved down to stroke Jim's muscled ass. His right hand moved between them, capturing Jim's erect cock, he began to stroke it, causing Jim to moan. 

"Oh...God...oh God...oh Blair..." He knew he could come easily in Blair's hand, but he didn't want to do that now. Jim pulled Blair into a rough embrace and the two men moved down to the carpet by the sofa. They faced each other, lips, capturing lips, then ears, necks, nipples, belly buttons. Jim's left hand wrapped itself around Blair's cock, squeezing it. 

"JimJimJim...." Blair cried. 

"Turn about's fair play Chief." 

Blair looked into the older man's eyes. Jim grunted, seeing the younger man's blue eyes dark with desire. "Fuck me, Jim...fuck me right now..." 

Jim smiled nervously. "I think I got to get upstairs for a sec..." 

"No man...I think I know just what we need." Blair planted one breathless kiss on Jim's lips, then pulled himself up and rushed into his room. It seemed like he was gone for a second. Jim looked and Blair was back, lying next to him, a wrapped condom and a tube of KY jelly in his hand. 

"Well, I'll be damned..." 

Blair turned a shade of dark crimson. "I guess I was hoping that someday..." 

"Hope's here baby." Jim reached for the condom, but Blair stopped him. "Let me." Blair tore the wrapping with his teeth, causing Jim to groan in anticipation. Jim squeezed a small bit of the jelly on his fingers. He smiled that the tube was brand new, hadn't been used. Good, he was the first... 

Blair winked at Jim, then moved down. The next thing Jim felt was a very strange sensation. He looked down and saw that Blair was rolling the condom over his erection with both his lips and hands and taking a damn long time of it too. 

"Oh...God...Blair...Blair...hurry..." 

Blair finished with a wink. "So impatient," he said, then he moved back up, to face Jim again. 

"Turn around," Jim said, "lie on your side." 

Blair nodded and complied, so he and Jim were lying like spoons. Jim slowly took a jellied finger and gently probed Blair's opening, caressing with his finger, the ring of muscle there. Blair pushed back against his hand. "Now who's impatient," Jim grinned. 

But Jim knew his partner was as ready as he was, and he quickly changed to two fingers. "Jim...pleasepleaseplease....ohJim!" Blair cried as his partner's fingers danced, stroked, caressed his opening. 

Then, Jim took his fingers away, satisfied that Blair was quite ready. Blair groaned sadly. Jim leaned over and whispered softly into Blair's ear. "Here I come baby." 

Jim didn't want to hurt his young lover, so he slowly, carefully pushed his cock inside him. Jim bit his own lip, fighting the impulse to thrust wildly into the younger man right now. Blair groaned and for a second, Jim was afraid he'd hurt him. 

"Hey...Chief...you alright?" Please be alright Blair...I don't think I can stop now. 

"Yeah...yeah...you're a real big man...but I can take it...oh God YES!" Blair suddenly pushed back into Jim, so the older man's balls were against his ass and Jim buried himself deep inside Blair's body. 

"Jim...yeah...Jim...fuck me...fuck me Jim..." Those words were all Jim needed to hear as he began a slow in and out motion, wrapping both arms around Blair's slim waist. Jim moved easily back and forth, in and out, but Blair had other ideas as he pushed back against him, rubbing his ass on the older man's balls. 

"Oh...goddaman... Blair." Jim gritted his teeth as all five of his senses assaulted at once, even through the condom, he felt Blair's muscles expand and contract, felt the blood pumping through his veins, and he hoped he didn't zone out on all of them, because if he did, he didn't think he'd ever come out of it. 

The power of speech deserted Blair as he moaned and pushed back harder still, against Jim, leaving Jim no choice but to thrust faster and much harder into his partner. Blair began to stroke his own cock, but Jim knocked his hand away and pumped Blair in time to his maddening thrusts. 

"Ahhh...." Blair cried as he felt his partner's heartbeat accelerate, against his back. 

Both men moved frantically and desperately, to their own primal rhythm, a raging drum beat playing in their heads. Jim felt the familiar tension building up in his fingers and toes. He leaned over and gave Blair an intense bite on the back of the neck. Blair screamed and pounded the floor with his fists as he came vigorously, all over Jim's hand, spilling on to the floor, causing his sphincter muscles to vibrate, pull and massage Jim's cock. Jim gasped and came quickly, his body spasmed against his lover's, quickly at first, then quietly slowing down, until he lay hard against Blair's back. 

Jim and Blair lay there, sweat covering their bodies, Jim's arms still around Blair's waist, one hand gently stroking his softening cock, one leg draped around the younger man's thigh. Then, Jim grunted and slowly moved withdrawing from his lover. Blair groaned at the loss of contact. Jim managed to stand, though his legs were shakey, and staggered into the kitchen where he threw away the condom. He returned to the living area, where Blair was still curled up on the floor. 

"Chief." 

"Mmmm?" 

"Bed." 

"Oh...yeah...man..." 

The trip up to the bedroom, took longer than expected, both men were woozey and lightheaded from their exhausting first time. But minutes later, they lay, upstairs in Jim's bed, comforter covering their damp bodies. Jim put his arm around Blair's shoulders and Blair lay his head on Jim's chest. 

"Wow," Blair said. 

"Yeah. You okay?" 

"Okay? I'm surprised I could stand...damn..." he winced, then smiled, "just rug burns, man." 

Jim grinned. "I don't mean that, I mean...about what happened with Wright." 

"Oh...that..." Blair sighed. "I think I'll be okay Jim..." 

Jim shook his head. "I'm just thinking about today...when I heard you scream...maybe you should talk to somebody." 

"Come on Jim...I am *so* not into shrinks." 

"Doesn't have to be a police shrink...maybe someone at Rainier..." 

"Jim..." 

"Blair...I love you...and when I saw you today...outside the bank..." 

"I was just afraid something happened to you, Jim." 

Jim was silent for a moment, then he nodded. "Maybe I'm wrong about you seeing someone, Blair." 

"Told you man." 

"Maybe we should *both* see someone. I mean, after all it was me you were protecting and this..." he gestured to the bed, "changes stuff now." 

Blair sighed. "Okay...but no police shrink...I don't think we should...you know...be public yet..." 

Jim smiled. "Worried about my honor, I'm impressed. Maybe you should be *my* blessed protector." 

Blair smiled. "Now I know you need to see a shrink." 

Jim ran his hand through Blair's tangled and damp hair. "Say goodnight, Blair." 

Blair grinned. "Goodnight Blair." 

Jim pinched Blair on the thigh. "Owwww," the younger man said. "Rug burns...remember...I just couldn't resist it," he grinned. 

"That's not all you won't be able to resist," Jim whispered seductively. 

"Just don't tell that to the shrink." 

Both men shared a good laugh. Then, Jim's arm tightened around his lover's body. "I love you Blair." 

"I love you too Jim...thanks for everything." 

"It's my pleasure."   
  


* * *

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